Can I let you into a secret...
The fish that got away, only got away because I wasn't there to hold onto it.
I wrote an email to a friend the other day. I have no idea where we stand anymore, except to say that he once said he loved me and now... who knows...
Granted - we were young and slightly naiive, not to mention worlds apart (or rather countries), but what we had was special. Just seems that I didn't think it was special enough... and so I have a dilemma.
I have only ever really loved a few guys in this world. One out of a desire to feel loved in return, one out of obsession and determination, one out of a need to feel numb to the consequences of a love gone wrong, one for unexplainable reasons (a supernatural love) and one because when no one else saw me, he did...
The friend I sit here writing about is the one that saw me. He saw me when I was invisible and somehow I pushed him away. At the first sign of love, I did a runner in the opposite direction... well, after the novelty wore off anyway... No way I was doing long distance relationships... and now, he is here... living so close... and I wonder.
You know, I've only been fishing once that I can remember... with my uncle and my cousins when I was about 10 years old. Wow, that's half a lifetime ago. You know what I remember? I remember catching a fish, but being so impatient that I caught this small fish and kept it as my cousins caught heaps bigger fish with patience. I wasn't good at the fishing thing and my fish wasn't even good for eating or anything so I let it go.
And ever since, I've been letting go of fish in my life. Big or small. I know... that's deep.
And so I wonder about the fish I let go and wonder what will come... whether he will swim back into my world... and I wonder about the fish I see in front of me now, just out of reach... The fish engaged by someone else... The one I still love for unknown reasons... Do I reel him in or let him go? Everything inside of me says the former but the practical says the latter. I'm torn.
Now there's something to ponder...
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return."
The fish that got away, only got away because I wasn't there to hold onto it.
I wrote an email to a friend the other day. I have no idea where we stand anymore, except to say that he once said he loved me and now... who knows...
Granted - we were young and slightly naiive, not to mention worlds apart (or rather countries), but what we had was special. Just seems that I didn't think it was special enough... and so I have a dilemma.
I have only ever really loved a few guys in this world. One out of a desire to feel loved in return, one out of obsession and determination, one out of a need to feel numb to the consequences of a love gone wrong, one for unexplainable reasons (a supernatural love) and one because when no one else saw me, he did...
The friend I sit here writing about is the one that saw me. He saw me when I was invisible and somehow I pushed him away. At the first sign of love, I did a runner in the opposite direction... well, after the novelty wore off anyway... No way I was doing long distance relationships... and now, he is here... living so close... and I wonder.
You know, I've only been fishing once that I can remember... with my uncle and my cousins when I was about 10 years old. Wow, that's half a lifetime ago. You know what I remember? I remember catching a fish, but being so impatient that I caught this small fish and kept it as my cousins caught heaps bigger fish with patience. I wasn't good at the fishing thing and my fish wasn't even good for eating or anything so I let it go.
And ever since, I've been letting go of fish in my life. Big or small. I know... that's deep.
And so I wonder about the fish I let go and wonder what will come... whether he will swim back into my world... and I wonder about the fish I see in front of me now, just out of reach... The fish engaged by someone else... The one I still love for unknown reasons... Do I reel him in or let him go? Everything inside of me says the former but the practical says the latter. I'm torn.
Now there's something to ponder...
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return."
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